Monday, August 14, 2023

All Theatrical Ninja Turtles Movies Ranked

As far back as I can remember, my childhood love of the comic-book and superhero genera began with the Ninja Turtles. While I’ve never called myself a die-hard fan of the series ... I still haven't seen a single episode of any TV show ... but with that said, I still collected the toys when I was a kid, I adored the first two live-action 90’s movies, and I’ve been consistent with watching every new movie that’s come out sense. They’re like a special group of old friends who occasionally return to say “hay, remember us … lets go have some fun like back in the old days”. 

As such, I feel I’m long overdue to stop and rank every theatrical Ninja Turtle movie, based solely on my feelings, from my least favorite, to absolute favorite. As a side note, I’ve seen many of the direct to video Ninja Turtle Movies, including “Turtles Forever” and “Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” … which I like more than most of the actual films … but still, I want to keep this list consistent with their official, theatrical productions.    

(Notice: I still need to see “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem”, but I will update this ranking once I see it) 

 

#6 “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3” (1993)

Back when I was a kid in the 90’s, I owned the first two live-action Ninja Turtles movies on VHS, and a re-watched them in my house quiet frequently. However, for the longest time, I thought there were only those first two movies, and it honestly wasn’t until my high-school years that I discovered this third film, which is part of my original 90’s series.

I was surprised I missed this one, but I wasn’t disappointed either … as I got the impression that I wouldn’t have liked this, even back in my childhood years. Our heroes in a half-shell go back in time to Feudal Japan, and find themselves protecting villagers from a wicked Samuri, and a nasty British Officer, who aim to colonize the locals. While the concept of the Ninja Turtles in a Samurai venture isn’t a bad idea on paper … the execution just did everything wrong. It’s very slow, not much action, the premise is one-note, it’s full of cringe gags, as well as disposable foes, and features some distractingly awful puppet effects. There’s a reason it continues to appear on lists of the worst comic-book movies … and for the turtles … it was their lowest point by far.

 

#5 “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” (2014) 

After the resurgence of superhero movies in the two-thousand-teens, it was time for the Ninja Turtles to return to live action … with mixed results. 

In a decent change-up, TV reporter April O’ Neil is the focus point of the film, as she reunites with four turtles that used to be her childhood pets, and have sense been mutated into giant, crime fighting heroes. Perfect timing, as their just what the city needs to face off against a heavily armed group of terrorists, and their lethal robot leader … the Shredder. While a perfectly watchable film, it’s not too memorable an experience either, and has no real hold on me as something I want to re-watch again. It's basically a bare-bone origin story that hits all the check marks for setting-up a franchise, without much substance on its own. Along with a disjointed script, it just makes this an “in one ear and out the other” experience. With all that said, some well-placed set-pieces do make it somewhat worthwhile for fans of these characters.

 

#4 “TMNT” (2007) 

Fifteen years after the original 90’s movies ended, this film marked the debut of their very first animated theatrical outing … and I’ve always viewed it as a somewhat underrated instalment in their long running series. Set one year after the Ninja Turtles broke-up and went separate ways, a new threat in the form of immortal soldiers and giant monsters bring them back together for one of their most challenging adventures yet. 

For me, it’s the outlandish villain plot that keeps this Ninja Turtle movie from achieving greatness, and yet, I feel it still remains one of the superior entries in the series. There’s an admirable effort to bring some grounded character complexities to the Turtles, and while the execution can be a little slopy at times, I still apricate the effort. There’s also a great voice cast, with talents including Patrick Stewart, Sarah Michell Geller, Mako, Chris Evans, and others. More than anything, this film holds-up with energized set-pieces, and a stellar art direction that was different from other animated movies of the time … and still looks unique all these years later.

 


#3 “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze” (1991) 

The evil Shredder has returned, and is out for revenge against the Ninja Turtles, and this time, his methods involve using a mysterious green ooze to create two mutant monsters strong enough to defeat our green heroes. Back when I was a little kid, this was my favorite Ninja Turtle offering by a mile, and it’s out of pure nostalgia that this film ranks as high as it does, and occasionally holds-up for re-watches. It’s one of those films that easily appealed to kids of a certain generation, and it still feels like a novelty item to those of us who are still young at heart. The film also features admirable creature effects and puppet work … arguably the best of any live-action film. Being realistic, this movie is still a far cry from high-quality entertainment, and is quite ridiculous all around … but it’s comfort food, and that will always have its place. 

 


#2 “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows” (2016) 


After saving New York from the Shredder, the Ninja Turtles are committed to being watchful guardians over the city, but are eager the emerge from the confines of the sewers, and be excepted topside. Their chance to step out of the shadows finally comes when New York faces an even greater threat, this time in the form of an alien conqueror named Krang. While there are certainly better options for superhero movies, this is one of the easiest Turtle movies to just go in and have some fun with. It’s clearly devoted to pleasing longtime fans, with focus on popular animated iconography coming to life in live-action, along with recognizable characters from the TV shows, and bombastic action sequences, which all go a long way in making this one of the simplest, yet genuinely fun Ninja Turtle outings.

       

#1 “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie” (1990) 

When a clan of Ninja’s, led by the ruthless Shredder, operate an underground crime-ring in New York, hope emerges in the form of four mutated Ninja Turtles. Along with “Superman” and “Batman”, I consider this film one of the original pioneers of the superhero genera, and as far back as I can remember, this was the very first comic-book movie I ever saw. 

While I really can’t make a persuasive argument for this first Ninja Turtle movie as any kind of meaningful cinematic achievement … it's still undeniably a nostalgic delight to watch, with top-tier puppet work, catchy theme music, just enough layers to the characters to make me care, an imposing main villain, and thrilling action brawls that are still just as riveting all these years later. It even has a little bit of a dark edge, which is all the more admirable when watching this film as an adult. With its commitment to adapting the best of both the comics and 80’s cartoon, we end-up with a product that’s honestly better than it had any right to be. The action scenes really are quite good for people in costumes, the music gets me so pumped, and the Shredder is still one of my favorite villains to ever come from a comic book adapted film. All in all, its cheesy fun, and it remains my absolute favorite of the Ninja Turtles at the movies. 

Thanks for reading my countdown … and continue to enjoy the movies you love!

Friday, August 4, 2023

Troy (2004) Movie Review

  Following after Ridley Scott’s runaway success with the 2000 picture “Gladiator”, there was a short influx of movies in the early 2000’s that tried to bring back the genera of the "Ancient Epics", with movies like “Kingdom of Heaven”, “Alexander”, and “King Arthur” being notable efforts at the time … but never quiet met the same high-marks of “Gladiator”. The 2004 Epic “Troy” was admittedly another genera film riding the coat tails of “Gladiator”, but I feel endures a little stronger than others of its time, and speaking personally, it has a special place ranked among my favorites of the genera. Call it a guilty pleasure, but it was one of those special little movie experiences that came out at just the right time for me, and has stuck with me over the decades. While I wouldn’t call this one of the all-time greats, I’d argue it’s a minor classic of its respected genera, or at the very least a memorable product of its time. So, I felt the time was right to look back on this film, and see what it’s like after two decades. Lastly, throughout the review I’ll also be highlighting the 2007 Directors cut of the movie, which many regard as the superior version.

  Loosely based on Homer’s epic poem “The Iliad”, along with inspirations of Quintus Smyrnaeus’s epic poem “Posthomerica”, the movie is set in Ancient Greece of 1193 B.C., and King Agamemnon of Mycenae has finally united all the kingdoms of Greece under his rule, with the Kingdom of Troy being the last great one for him to concur. Things are put in motion when Helen, the young Queen of Sparta, runs off with Prince Paris, to his home kingdom of Troy. It’s just the thing to spark turmoil across both kingdoms of Grease and Mycenae, who combine their armies into a massive invasion force, to lay siege to the land of Troy in a brutal campaign. At the for front of the invasion is Greece’s greatest hero Achilles, who finds himself at odds with Troy’s Prince Hector, as the two match the value of honor versus a soldier’s loyalty to his country. After several wins and losses on both sides, the ultimate turn of victory in this war comes in the form of a famous, giant wooden sculpture … the Trojan Horse.  

  The legendary battle of Troy was actually one of the first epic tales I was exposed to at a very young age, and by the time I reached middle school, the movie “Troy” was just hitting the cinema, and I was beyond ready for it. This actually marked one of my earliest exposures to the “Ancient Epic” genera, and predated my first viewing experiences of other classics in the category like “Braveheart” and “Gladiator”, making it a special coming of age experience for me at the time. 

As I continue with the review, I’ll mainly be focusing on the movie as is, and not so much in comparison to its source material of Homer’s “Iliad” … which by the way is the superior work, and one of the great pieces of literature. For me, they’re both so different, I feel it’s best to look at them as individual works. It was the decision of the films late Director, Wolfgang Petersen, to focus on the movie in a more grounded, historical context, and without any appearances of Greek Gods, who in Homers poems were frequently depicted as the masters controlling all the humans, like game pieces in an epic battle of wits. It can be debated on whether or not this was the right choice, but personally, I don’t mind the more grounded approach without any fantastical elements. However, whether it be the poem, or historical basses, the invasion of Troy has always been depicted as a decade long campaign … whereas the movie condenses all the events to roughly around ten days … which is a glaring detail that stood out to me even in my young teenage years. Regardless, this movie gave me everything I wanted at the time, and I feel it has more strengths on display then it’s reputation would suggest.

  The cast all around is great, with Brad Pitt’s engaging star power leading the charge. While this wasn’t the first time I had seen him in a movie, it was the first time I took note of his name, and focused my attention on him in further movies I’d see afterword’s. 

While the character of Achilles is a straight forward stoic soldier, who chooses to fight for a living, only to achieve immortality through recognition, Brad Pitt succeeds in giving him a presence that’s engaging to watch. Eric Bana is also given the chance to redeem himself after his leading role in the disappointing 2003 picture “Hulk”, and genuinely shines as Troy’s Prince Hector. Easily one of the better characters, with all the smart ideas, and everyone would be better off it they just listened to him. Orlando Bloom plays his brother, Prince Paris of Troy. While the actor was at the height of his power, staring in the biggest franchises at the time, his character never left much of an impression, and I could never get past him being responsible for both the war and downfall of his kingdom.

  His love interest, Helen of Troy, who’s equally responsible for all the cause, at least has some emotional moments in which she regrets bringing all this death and pain to Troy. Helen was played by a young Diane Kruger, who was still early in her career, and hadn’t yet stared in her more memorable roles in “National Treasure” and “Inglourious Basterds”. While she played the part of Helen of Troy well, I still feel she was underutilized for a character that ignited this massive war. Honestly, I think more attention was given to another Trojan Princess named Briseis, played by the Rose Byrne, who gets captured by the Greeks early in the siege, and develops Stock-Home-Syndrome when she falls in love with Brad Pitts Achilles. I suppose she gave him someone to talk with, but their romance just felt a little overplayed. Also, upon my latest re-watch, I had completely forgotten that Sean Bean was a lead in this movie … maybe because his character didn’t die, which is something of a staple for the actor’s career.  

  A more genuinely memorable performance in the film is Brain Cox as the boisterous and vial King Agamemnon. 

I was just introduced to the actor after he shined as wicked Colonel Striker in “X2: X-Men United”, so it was exciting to see him taking on the role of this nefarious conqueror. He always makes for a decent villain, and channels his sinister nature with a sense of dry wit. However, the absolute best performance of the whole film goes to the late Peter O’ Toole, who played King Priam of Troy. The talent of course was no stranger to epic movies, first taking the leading role in the 1962 classic “Lawrence of Arabia”, and then as Henry the 2nd in “The Lion in Winter”. In “Troy”, Peter O’ Toole brings the same weight and presence required for any truly great epic movie, and basically saves the whole film. Ironically enough, he was one of the most out-spoken critics of the film, saying in interviews he walked out of the premier embarrassed by the film … and this is coming from an actor who played in 1984’s “Super-Girl”, which is one of the most poorly reviewed movies ever made. Still, weather Peter O’ Tool liked “Troy” or not, he still brought his A-game material to the role. My favorite scene of the whole film is when he visits Brad Pits Achilles in the cover of night, and we get a great scene of two enemies bonding and sharing respect. I feel this scene alone should have given Peter O’ Tool an Oscar Nomination, but that didn’t happen. Actually, with the one exception of the costume design, this film had almost zero recognition at the Academy Awards.  

  While the movie isn’t perfect, it is consistently engaging to watch, and easily generates excitement when all the events unfold. Even with its lengthy run-time, the pacing for the most part is great, and for the first two acts builds some great momentum. In general, it’s just great to see the iconography of Troy brought to life in a big theatrical picture. 

The image of the Trojan Horse genuinely feels like a classic visual of the genera, and it’s great to see. The battles certainly thrill, and while giant CGI armies were nothing new at the time, it still offers some creativity with its spectacle. One of the first visual highlights that spring to mind when I think back on this film is a thrilling beach attack, in which the Trojan’s release these giant flaming rollerballs that smash into the Greek’s fleet. Even better than the action is the build-up. There’s a scene when Prince Paris challenges King Menelaus of Sparta (played by Brendan Gleeson) in a duel to the death for the hand of Princess Helen. The fight on its own is okay, but it’s the tension leading-up to the battle that I really love. 

The prince is clearly out of his element, all eyes are on him, there’s a great shot of his POV framed through his helmet, and just to set the intimidation, his opponent just tosses away his own shield, like he doesn’t even need a defense. Of course, the big action highlight is Achilles versus Hector. Not only was this conflict effectively set-up, but the movie also got me to cheer for both of them, which added more excitement to who will come out victorious. It’s the one piece of action in which I feel the staging, combat and energy is on par with the tension, build-up and inevitable outcome. As a side note, there’s one curious addition to this fight that’s exclusive to the Directors Cut, as it uses Danny Elfman’s theme from Tim Burtons “Planet of the Apes” during the duel ... it's very random, but it fits.      

  On that note, this would be a good time to discuss the 2007 directors cut of the movie, which expands the originals 162 minuet run-time to 196 minutes. I personally prefer this version, as there’s more of a balance between the spectacle, and further developed characters and deeper conversations. More than anything, I just prefer the tone and presentation of the Directors cut over the theatrical version. 

The music for example, I feel is an improvement in the Director’s Cut, as the theatrical cut was permeated by … what I like to call … the “Banshee Quire”, in which the score is mainly comprised of wailing female vocals. This was a common cliché for movies in the early 2000’s, but the theatrical cut of “Troy” really overplayed it. While the Directors Cut keeps the wailing quire for two funeral scenes, the score throughout is far more subdued and atmospheric, which adds to the tension and build-up in several sequences. While on the topic of music, I do love Josh Groban's cover song "Remember Me", which is exclusive to the theatrical cut of the film, and it's absence is felt in the Directors Cut. On the other hand, one of my favorite additions to the Directors Cut is the new opening scene, which focuses on a dog wandering around a seemingly open field. However, we gradually discover this field was once a battle ground, and the dog wasn’t aimlessly wondering … it was actually looking for its owner, who’s body has been reduced to food for the vultures. I feel little scenes like this do a better job conveying the tension and loss of war then the straight forward marching troops and battles.

  The biggest difference is the climactic sacking of Troy, and a word of WARNING for anyone interested, because the Directors Cut is superior, but it’s also harder to watch with its depictions during the climax. At the end, the Trojan Horse is revealed as a means to get Greek troops into the city of Troy, and open the gates for the army to ley siege. While the theatrical cut suggests the horrible things the Greeks and Spartans would do if they invaded, the Directors cut shows in horrific detail the barbaric things they do, and it’s very disturbing. While it’s harder to watch, I feel it also justifies the director’s decision to make this film more grounded in reality. Sense it’s removing the Greek Gods present in Homers “Iliad”, it really needed to sell the emotional weight and loss of the event, which the theatrical cut didn’t really deliver. In the Directors Cut, I do feel that dramatic weight, horror and loss that’s transpiring, and it sticks with me afterword’s. It’s all around more impactful, but like I said … it’s not for the faint of heart.

  Also, in the Director’s Cut, King Priam’s death is given the dramatic focus it deserves, while the theatrical cut made his death little more than a foot-note. Another addition I preferred in the Director’s Cut was this final shot showing the few surviving Trojans, as they escape to Mount Ida, which gives the film a shred of hope … like the people will survive, whereas the theatrical cut just felt empty by never showing them. Lastly, both versions close with the death and funeral of Achilles, which is taken from Quintus Smyrnaeus’s poem “Posthomerica”, as opposed to Homers “Iliad”. This again can be debated on whether it was a good choice, but for me, I feel it works for the movie on its own. Aside from the Trojan Horse, the one other iconic visual I expected to see in this film was the body of Achilles, with the single arrow in his heel … it just felt like a given to have that iconic image and metaphor of the Achilles Heel depicted in a movie.   

  For me, the 2004 picture “Troy” is a case of not apricating something until it’s not there anymore. In the time past, there were still great movies to come from the Ancient Epic genera over in the East, including “Curse of the Golden Flower” and “Red Cliff”, but over here in the West, the genera just fizzled out. I feel that post 2006 with the movie “300”, everything had to be overly stylized, with a comic-book flare, and it just never felt the same. We don’t really get Epic movies in the vein of “Braveheart” or “Gladiator” anymore, and “Troy” always felt like the last effort to give the genera a big picture that at least tried to capture the same spirit of those classics. 

Putting my personal feelings aside for a moment, the movie “Troy” admittedly doesn’t reach the same objective qualities or even substance of its predecessors, and is admittedly quite hammy with its delivery … but with that said … the entertainment aspects of the film are undeniable. It’s still awesome to see the famous battle of Troy brought to life in a big budget Hollywood production, with an appealing cast balancing out all the spectacles. It may not be the finest Epic movie ever made, but for me, it still succeeds as a straight forward, entertainment picture. If it’s been a while sense you’ve last seen “Troy”, I’d say give it another chance. Also, depending on how you feel about its graphic content, I’d encourage viewers to give the Directors Cut a chance ... just be aware that it is bloody! Either way, “Tory” may not be one of the objective best, but still a memorable entry, and a personal favorite of mine.

Thanks for reading my review of the 2004 Epic “Troy” … and continue to enjoy the movies you Love!