Earlier this month I reviewed the 1997 monster movie “Anaconda”, and in that review I
referred to it as the pore mans version of “Jaws”. Now the bar is set even lower, because today’s review is of
the 1999 creature feature titled “Lake
Placid”, and this film is honestly the pore mans version of “Anaconda” ... yeah, that’s how low
where sinking with this movie. While I freely admit “Anaconda” wasn’t a great movie, it still had its charms, it was
entertaining, and it was at the very least kind of a memorable movie
experience. “Lake Placid” on the
other hand is about as average as monster movies get, it’s boring, it’s
forgettable, the characters all suck and the comedy is beyond absurd. I get the
impression that this movie was trying to be a blend of scary and funny, but it
fails spectacularly on both counts.
So, with a title
like “Lake Placid”, you don’t get
much of a clue as to what the killer animal is going to be, in fact the monster
could be anything ranging from a lake shark to the creature from the Black
Lagoon. Well ... obviously it’s none of the above, the carnivore in this movie
is actually a crocodile. A giant 30 foot long prehistoric crocodile that
apparently survived over thousands of years, and settled in a lake where he
poses a threat to all visitors. After an investigation, the local sheriff
rounds up a small team to hunt down the beast. Now typically in a situation
like this, you’ll have that one jerk that will try to protect the monster in
order to make a fortune. Well, this movie takes a different approach, instead
... everyone wants to protect this killer Crocodile, but not for greedy
reasons. These people view this crocodile as a wonder of nature that needs to
be preserved and studied rather then killed. So unlike most movies that feature
an animal gone bad, the main conflict isn’t finding a way to slay the beast,
it’s all about trying to trap it without killing it. I suppose that’s kind of unique,
and a good effort to do something different with the formula, but they just
can’t leave well enough alone. We actually have a subplot involving an old
woman who’s secretly feeding the beast her live stock, and treats it like a
pet.
Personally, it just makes me wish I was
watching “Jaws”, which nailed the
excitement of man versus monster perfectly. Speaking of “Jaws”, this movie completely fails to capture that same tension and
fear. Even if you live in an area where Crocodiles have been sited, I doubt
this film would capture that same paranoia of stepping into a lake the same way
“Jaws” scared people from going to
the beach. Now in all seriousness, crocodiles in general are dangerous, have
had their fare share of violent encounters with people, and the concept isn’t
without some potential, it’s just handled very poorly. The monster effects are
serviceable at best, it has its really fake CGI moments, but there are some
good animatronic close-ups, which are slightly intimidating.
The first and
biggest problem with this movie that shoots it right in the foot are the lead
human characters. I could almost give the movie credit for not featuring any of
the typical teenage stereotypes that usually plague these films, but it doesn’t
change the fact that the characters are still insufferable. The dialog is
atrocious, I mean it is bad ... just bad. Every line has some kind of pun aimed
at the mail anatomy, the attempts at hummer are cringe inducing, and it really
just didn’t look like a fun movie to act in, which is a shame because there’s a
fairly talented cast here. This includes Oliver Platt as a researcher on Croc’s,
Bridget Fonda who plays the female lead, Brendan Gleeson plays the sheriff, and
he’s fairly well known for his role as Mad Eye Moody from the Harry Potter series, as well as epic
war movies like “Brave Heart” and “Troy”. Most notably is Bill Pullman in
the lead role, and of course he’s a very recognizable actor from movies like “Independence Day” and “Space Balls”, but he does the movie no
favors. The banter between these people are terrible, and it’s just hurtful to
see a half way decent cast wasted like this.
The second
biggest setback to the movie is that it’s surprisingly boring, with very little
creature action and a very annoying focus on the human characters. The
encounters with the Crocodile are mildly exciting at first, but the formula
get’s very repetitive after a while. There’s only so many times that you can
get a thrill from watching someone flung out of a boat, only for them to get
back in completely unscathed. There isn’t even much of a body count, two people
get attacked in the first thirty minutes of the movie, and that’s it, there
really aren’t anymore human casualties in the movie after that. It’s hardly
even worth talking about the climax, they lure the Crocodile to shore, shoot at
it a little, capture it and then the movie actually forces us to feel sympathy
for the beast as our lead hero prepares to execute it. Well ... in a
surprisingly rare twist, they spare the life of the killer Crocodile and send
him off somewhere. But then our hero’s are attacked by a second Crocodile that
the characters immediately kill, so what the heck? They were treating it like a
moral sin to kill the first Croc, but it’s perfectly okay to slay the second
one, what sense does that make?
There’s a scene
at the end in which we see the old lady raising the crocodiles baby’s, which
was meant to be a joke, but it actually became the setup for sequels, lots and
lots of terrible squeals. This includes “Lake
Placid 2” in 2007, “Lake Placid 3”
in 2010 and “Lake Placid: The Final
Chapter” in 2012, hopefully that really was the last. I vaguely remember
watching the second one on TV and being completely disinterested in it, so I
never bothered to watch any of the other films in the series. I doubt that any
of them are that good, and their probably all even worse than their
predecessor. Oh wait, there was also “Lake
Placid vs Anaconda” in 2015, which could have some potential for a fun
monster crossover, but I doubt it will be anything special. Even the 1996 movie
“Crocodile” and its 2001 sequel “Crocodile 2: Death Swamp” were more
fun, in that cheep B monster movie fashion. While “Lake Placid” wasn’t the first movie to utilize the gimmick of a
killer Crocodile, it’s probably the most popular. In 2008 there was another
killer Crocodile movie titled “Rogue”,
which was outstanding by B monster movie standards, in fact, it’s one of the
five best animal attack movies I’ve ever seen. The characters were likable, there
was honest tension and the creature effects were amazing. So why can’t that be
the more popular killer Crocodile movie?
As for “Lake Placid”, it’s really just not
worth seeing at all, even if you’re a junky for animal attack movies. Honestly,
I get more of a thrill watching the 2002 film “The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course”, than I do watching “Lake Placid”. While I’ve definitely
seen worse movies then this, it’s still pretty bad, even on the merits of a
cheap B monster movie. The characters are beyond wooden, the action isn’t that
thrilling, the monster isn’t that exciting, and if you really want a fun or passively
diverting animal attack movie, just watch “Rogue”
instead. Now I know some people like this movie, and may even call it an
improvement over something like “Anaconda”,
and if you do like this ... fine, it’s just not for me.
I
give “Lake Placid”, 1 ½ stars out of
5.
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